Relating subjects unrelated

I had an interesting epiphany today in my Writ 101 class. We were asked to take a sentence from a previous journal entry that we wrote, but didnt like, or didnt get, and then asked to expand upon the idea we were trying to write about, and see if we had more to say. Well, seeing as my mom always tells me I have too much to say all the time, this is never a problem for me, not knowing what to write about I mean. Im always writing. So anyway, in our last reading I came across a quote that hit me like a brick wall. Literally. . (Joe Cool will be referenced, he was a real man in the story i read, who i related to. He was a workaholic who helped people to help deal with the pain of his own life. It was his own way of healing, and being able to give back to society at the same time. )

"Sociability covers much of the pain that comes from not being able to help, to make someone else happy."

Wow. . in any case, this got me started on thinking what we always talk about in Lit class, how each story has no moral but the story itself, and each person takes away what pertains to them. Here's what I wrote on that quote when asked to write about it today:

~I latched onto this quote. It stuck to me as a bandaid that covers teh wounds. It hurt. But it was still there, staring me in the face as if it was put there in that book for my eyes only. I jotted it down, and read it again, and felt a small blow of what was, of what had left its mark so many times.

I'm Joe Cool. I'm the girl who tries to do everything, help everyone, do my part in society when I can't help myself, heal myslef, or help the people I want. In Lit class, wre taught that there is no "moral of a story but the story itself". What you, the reader, gets out of the story is your interperetation, and yours only. Every stroy you read ties into you. Everyone is Joe Cool to a point.

In the past, and even still to this very day, I try to help people to make them happy, so I can feel better, feel accomplished about something. I see the pain in other people, I recognize the symptoms, the coverups, as clearly as if they were my own. They were once my own. The need to be around people, the "sociability" that comes with trying to mask the pain. If you show people that your not in pain, and show them that by having fun, or laughing a semi-fake laugh, you've accomplished something. The pain sets back in when your mask is broken, shattered, just as you are, by someone who's smarter thatn the rest. By someone who knows. You feel weak again, for yoru efforts were in vain. I know. I've been there. I'm Joe Cool. Putting on the mask to let people know I'm still who i always was.

There must be a breed of us, those who help society, the ones we love, to help ourselves. Though, it's not selfish. Why not try to help someone else heal, while trying to finish your own healing as well?? Why not help someone from feeling what you have felt? You're a few stages ahead of them, you know what it's like, what they're doing, and you wish there had been someone there with you too. There wasn't. You know it made you strong in the end, but it still hurt to think no one was there. The thing with helping people, you cant let them know your helping them, you can only let them know that your the one who will be there for them, support them, no matter what happens.