Dreams-Not a Place I Wanted To Be

I went home to Frenchtown this weekend, and I got to reunite with my beloved grey mare (though I'm positive she didn't miss me much.. but I could tell that she missed me a bit by being patient, and calm. Anyhoo...) For 2 nights in a row i dreamed about bringing my horse to college. At least I think it was 2 nights.. it might have been twice in one night. Ok, all I know is that I dreamed the same dream twice. Once last night, and once another time, who knows when. Of course, there were tangents of the dream to other parts of another dream, but i don't remember those. I remember gaps of time in the main dream. I do remember my mom and I driving my silver 4 Star trailer, with black and red pinstripes on the side, to the place. It was no place in particular, but you know that sensation where you never said something aloud in your dream, but know it happened and it's true anyway?? Anyway, we were in Bozeman, but not in Bozeman at all, but that's what the place was. I felt like I was in Kalispell though, or Washington somewhere, or a mixture of both that my mind decided to concoct and call Bozeman. Who knows...

The grass was very long, and green, and lush, like it gets in both places of my imagination. The kind of grass I know my mare, and any other normal horse, would love to eat. It was an overcast day, but not like it was going to rain. The air was slightly muggy, but cool. A jeans-and-tshirt kind of day. There were horse pens set up on a hill. There were no trees. The horse pens were not plentiful, and definately not enough. They were made of temporary pannels, the bars being a brown color that is common with those pannels. They were made very small, long enough for a horse to fit lengthwise, but not much more, and only 3-4 feet wide. I thought in my mind "STANDING ROOM ONLY". I thought they were temporary stalls till the officials (whoever they were) told us which barn to go to. I found out (or knew because my mind had told me so) that this was not true. They were MEANT to be temporary, but no longer were. This was where we were supposed to be. There were other horses in the stalls, all filled. I recognized a few of them, but many were just horses. I recognized many people from my pony club days, and their moms. I remember I was surprised that they had come to college (or wherever this place was.) They had already set up camp next to their trailers and their ponies. They hadn't been there very long, but were going to be and knew more than I did since I had just arrived. There was no place to put my horse, though somehow I found a spot. I remember a chestnut horse with a flaxen mane. His coat was a little unkempt, unlike the other horses, and he was a little undermuscled, though not in a completely bad way. His stall had golden straw in it. These things pointed out to me that he belonged to a little girl who didnt know how to groom yet, and parents who were novices at horse owning. (Though, now thinking about it, why was a novice horse with a college group?? It must be my mind mixing up stories and details in one dream.) He was laying down, and I remember pondering how he managed to do it. I put my horse next to him, though I don't remember seeing my horse in my dream, or handling it. I also know that the horse in my dream wasn't my mare from real life, but either way it was my horse. I needed water for him, because I noticed other people had filled theirs. But I couldn't find the faucet, and there was a fountain made of metal horse troughs, but there was no way to fill up a 5-gallon bucket in it. The sky was still over-cast, the grass still long.

There wasn't really and ending to the dream, cause I don't think your mind ever ends them like a story. It just keeps coming up with details to stuff into your already full head. In the dream, there were only reoccuring images and thoughts. That place isn't where i wanted myself or my horse to be. She didn't deserve it. I had taken her with me, but I had screwed up somehow, and though she didn't really know better, I wasn't satisfied at all. I knew I had failed as her mom.